I am Broken – A poem about how my mental illness has affected me. It’s one of the tools I use to explore whats happening inside when I am unable to speak out loud.
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Month: January 2019
In the middle of 2018 I crashed so hard that this time, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. How did I let this beast slip back in? The answer is obvious, I broke my golden rules. Number three to be precise.
I was fifteen years old when I had my first encounter with the dark demon of depression. Previously I had been a well-loved, well-adjusted kid who grew up in the country and spent weekends riding my horse and hanging out with childhood friends.
When I was eighteen, I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship. It was a very dark time in my life. When it ended, I was in an extremely bad place both mentally and physically. I was anorexic, afraid and I hated myself. From this experience i found out what my red flags are and today use them as a warning sight.
In 1993 I attended the University of Queensland. In the beginning I loved the lifestyle and I found the study to be rewarding and challenging. Just when things were going well, the dark demon rears his ugly head and life comes crashing down around me. This time it was the cold hand of anxiety. Yet out of the darkness came my light.
I once heard the great Stephen Fry say that if given the opportunity he wouldn’t choose to live without his bipolar. He thought that bipolar made up who he was and stimulated the creative side of his soul. I’ve often wondered if I agreed with him. All I have ever wanted is to be a normal person. My husband Scott tells me all the time that I am normal, I just have an illness that affects the way I live sometimes.